@Modern Seinfeld

There are only two times I have seriously contemplated getting a Twitter account: once to enter a contest for tickets to go to the New Orleans Jazz Festival and another time when I discovered the glorious existence of Modern Seinfeld. The entire Twitter account is dedicated to posting short synopses of what Seinfeld episodes might look like if the show were still airing.

And it's brilliant.

No, seriously. Go to the link. Read what's there (turns out you don't need a Twitter account, score). Laugh until it hurts.

Ever since discovering this gem of all gems on the internet, I have taken to thinking of my own Modern Seinfeld plots in the shower, during my lunch break, and at other various and sundry times when I should be doing something more productive. Thus far, I have only shared my original plots with choice friends. Now, for your viewing pleasure, here is a compilation of some of my best.

Elaine joins CrossFit and is not seen for the remainder of the episode. Jerry's new girlfriend (Anne Hathaway) dumps him for mispronouncing 'açaí.' 

George becomes addicted to frequenting oxygen bars. Kramer meets George Takei on the subway. K: "George, I just love your memes." 

Jerry starts a paleo diet to impress a woman at the gym. Newman becomes internet famous after plagiarizing Kramer's Hunger Games fan fic and posting it to Reddit. 

The whole gang ironically give each other Snuggies for Christmas. All end up secretly loving them and using them surreptitiously. Kramer trades his in for a Forever Lazy. 

Kramer thinks 'LGBT' is a type of sandwich and mistakenly tries to order one from Subway. Elaine is upset that Jerry looks better in her skinny jeans than she does. 

Everyone is obsessed with McDonald's Monopoly. Kramer keeps winning the big prizes. "I'm telling you, all the money's in the hash browns!" 

Elaine's new boyfriend (Joseph Gordon-Leavitt) wears capris. Elaine is distraught, Kramer wholeheartedly approves. George tries to wear Abercrombie & Fitch clothes to "be cool." 

George's gf breaks up with him after he starts following Jimmy Buffett on Spotify. Kramer won't stop listening to "Get Lucky." 

Elaine is enraged when she attends a friend's wedding that is entirely inspired by her own "Perfect Wedding" Pinterest board. George starts dating a woman who looks like Grumpy Cat. 

Jerry stays in a relationship with an obnoxious Zumba instructor (America Ferrera) because she continually sends him lives for Candy Crush Saga. Elaine is obsessed with cupcakes.